Yesterday, I was mugged by a three-year-old.

In a Church.

I was! My friends (for some reason...) were performing at the re-opening of St. John the Divine, which by the way, is spectacular and must be seen immediately if you're in the NYC area. I carried with me a fake Barbie called "Rebecca" made by a Japanese company. The English translation on the box is quite poor which made it even better. My boyfriend was holding a toy drive at his party and due to my moment of insanity the other night, I felt it doubly important that I not only bring a pretty toy, but one with several outfits.

While watching my friends painfully modify their normally x-rated material into something that could POSSIBLY be performed at the re-opening of a grand cathedral, a little girl ran up to where my Rebecca doll lay and said to her Mommy, "I want that!"

Mommy said no, which made the child irate. "But Mommy, I WANT that!!!"

Again, Mommy said no.

The dialogue continued for another few moments when the fed-up child declared, "I'm TAKING IT. IT'S MINE!!!" and ran off with my Rebecca doll. She didn't get far. She refused to follow her mother's wishes to return the doll. So, I tried. I squated down and said gently, "Sweetheart, that's my doll. I really wish you'd give it back." The child finally understood and said, "Okay. You can have it back," and returned Rebecca to me.

See? The first messenger was right. Communication is key.

Then, I got a beautiful voicemail from my sister telling me she admired me for "doing what I do" in the faces of our disapproving parents and that she supported me. All this in St. John the Divine. A Kwanzaa miracle!!! And by that, I do really mean Kwanzaa. (My sister will get this, but don't ask me to explain to anyone else.)

******

Tarot makes people do strange things. Fortunately, last night, this was not the case.

I read for three lovely women. The rest of the guests were civilized about it. I'm often gang-rushed by the curious and the voracious. Many people don't even ask for a reading, they simply say, "I'M NEXT!!!" which in case no one told them, is very rude.

However, last night people quietly expressed interest, but no one pushed for one. Therefore, I didn't push back. Tarot reading is exhausting and decreases my alcohol tolerance. If I'm reading and drinking, I get drunk far faster than if I didn't.

My boyfriend looked at me strangely each time I emerged with one of his guests. "Geez, you were IN THERE long enough..." I should have told them I was having sex with them. But I don't know his friends well enough to know if that would have been too inappropriate.

Truthfully, I read for each lady for about thirty minutes, but it felt like five. We touched on serious, personal issues none of them were prepared for, but my cards like to do that. They start opening up childhood issues that need addressing. As a Priestess, I always encourage people to seek a spiritual path immediately. Most people do not have one. It's one thing our mainstream society is desperately missing. People simply don't realize that a healthy spiritual life is a vital part of overall health. It's the first thing people put on the chopping block, mostly because of past experiences.

One thing I rarely encourage though, is for people to become Wiccans.

Wiccans do not promote. We do not recruit. This is not because we don't want people in our faith, but we don't believe in the concept of "saving souls." Only oneself can save their own soul--not from Hell, but from becoming lost along the way. And one must do that by finding their own path, not by following a path someone tells them is right for them.

I know a Witch when I see one. If I come across one that hasn't been practicing, somehow we begin speaking as though we've known each other for years and are picking up on a conversation we left off from the day before. We cluster, hive, buzz off to do our own work and come back together when we need each other. Usually on the holidays. Getting a Witch at a Tarot reading is delightful. It's like unwrapping a present long overdue.

I'll be reading for lots of witches today, which I'm excited about. Meanwhile, I'm going to raid my BF's fridge for more Italian ham.

I wish so much that individuals in this country could find their spiritual feet. Not necessarily their religious ones. Religion should come second to spirituality. Make contact with your gods first, and find a house for them later.

In other news, I don't think it snowed last night and I am shocked.

Going off to read some more Tarots....

Now that my new boyfriend knows that I'm borderline psychotic at every third lunar click, I'm off to go read cards at his birthday party!

Tomorrow I'll be reading at the NYC Pagan Pride Yule Festival.  

The festival goes from 1-4 and there will be a coat drive, as well as vendors and workshops: New Dance Group, Studio 4, 305 W 38th Street, NYC.

I'm praying for accuracy this go-round.  Being a Tarot reader is part mentor, part therapist, part under-ground celebrity: but unfortunately, the fear of being a charlatan breathes constantly down my neck and probably yours too, if you read.

I'm bringing my Brid candle today.

O, What a Rogue and Peasant Dinkus am I....

Decided to have a talk with my Muggle boyfriend about the issue I had with him charging me for the make-up he got for free at his job--he'd planned to sell the items at his party tomorrow.

Discovered he was using the money for a charity--not to pay off the HD TV, as I originally suspected.

Maybe this is why that first messenger woke me up yesterday.

Now, I'm getting into bed and never coming out due to extreme shame.

It's been nice knowing you all.

Communication

I am Ebeneezer Weber and I am to be visited by three spirits.

Well, messengers.

One of my Group members sent me a text the other night saying I would be receiving three messages, shortly. She's always right about this. I laughed and thought of saying "What, Christmas Past, Present and Never?" But joking about spirits isn't very funny.

Early this morning, a short, squat, male spirit came and sat on the bed with me--telling me lots of things, but the final word I heard just before becoming fully awake at the sound of the alarm was "Communication." I reset it to sleep another 30 minutes and told the spirit he had that long to finish telling me what I needed to know.

I woke up three more times this morning, mostly the fault of the cats, and heard "Communication" each time. Got the message. I'm supposed to communicate.

I put on Poe (not Edgar Allan, Poe Poe--the alternative singer from the 90's who released two albums, the second of which sucked, but the second of which is the one I cannot stop listening to.) Her second album is one gaping wound from the loss of her beloved father and the loss of her douchebag boyfriend. She mixes the songs with recordings of her father rattling on in the tone of the brilliant: one would could speak poetically of love and learning from one another, but you get the sense he never was able to accomplish either on a tactical level. "Communication is not just words," Poe's dad says. "Communication is architecture."

The second to last stanza of that song terrifies me. It's a combination of her haunting father's words, a 911 operator call and a small child repeating, "What's happening? What's happening?" When I was a child, I was afraid of telephone operators. That album opens that fear.

If that's true, my house is built a lot better than it used to be.

I had lots of things to say this morning about communication, with the Spirit world and with one another. But now I'm tired, need to read my Tarot, go to the store, wash my hair and clean the kitchen. Maybe I'll go the store first.

G-Chat with my Muggle Boyfriend

I don't think he knows I blog.

CC: I just picked up a case of beauty products for the party

it's insanity

10:47 AM me: BEAUTY PRODUCTS???

What kinds???

10:49 AM CC: there's about 70 pieces of make-up

moslty blush

I'm just going to sell for a $1 each, honor system

10:50 AM a few I'll put up for auction, there are some scents and make-up kids

10:52 AM me: Are you serious?

CC.com: yes, mame

10:53 AM The ammount of make-up we get is criminal

the InStyle people just basically filled a boot box with stuff

10:56 AM me: You're not going to charge me for make-up, are you? ;)

8 minutes

11:05 AM CC: sweets, think of the children

5 minutes

11:10 AM me: :p

11 minutes

11:22 AM me: You're really going to charge your girlfriend for the make-up you got for free? I don't think that sounds like a gentlemanly thing to do...;)

CC: deal with it, girly

me: Okay, then....

How much are you paying me to read Tarot at your party? ;)

11:23 AM CC: you'll get special attention

me: Forget it.

Sweetie, how many people will be at your party?

11:24 AM CC: probably around 20, down from last year, because the whole hoboken crew can't make it

me: Okay.

For a party of 20 people, I would normally charge $200.

11:25 AM CC: Perfect, when I was a male prostitute I charged $300

me: Babe, all I'm saying is that if you're really going to charge me for make-up, I'm really going to charge you for my readings.

11:27 AM CC: okay, you win

me: :)

Amazon purchasing.

Hey! Look at what I bought today!!!






Maybe this will help things along. I'm going to read it first before I start distributing it as required reading in my family.

In other news, my crown chakra spontaneously opened right before lunch. I guess the morning meditation is helping!!!

Come out, come out, Witchy-poo!!!

Coming out of the Broom Closet. There is no easy way around it, and eventually we all have to do it.

The first few Wicca conversations with my parents ended with them insisting that I would have problems getting a job and was going down a dangerous path. This was just after I’d graduated college with Honors, which I did while taking only 400-level classes, working 20 hours a week at a regional theatre AND teaching a Freshman-level college class. I applied for jobs in New York and was employed in an Off-Broadway company, starting my new career exactly three months to the day as I graduated college. It’s no small feat to begin a career in New York coming in from anywhere—but especially 3,000 miles away. All the while I was kicking serious theatrical and collegiate ass, I was practicing Wicca in a Grove in Vancouver, Washington. I began Priestess training just prior to moving to the East Coast. I did not see my parents’ connection between Wicca and ultimate failure. Wicca had given me confidence and focus. However, my well-meaning, hard-loving parents did not see my connections, either.

I went back into the Broom Closet at the age of 22, figuring that if I were still interested in Wicca at 25, I would come back out.

Two minutes later, I was 25 and not only still interested in Wicca, but running a Coven. (Not highly recommended at the age of 25…but life happens). Please go to the previous entry to see how my coming out went.

I’m now 27 and pursuing a Master’s of Divinity. My discussion of my latest scholastic goal did not sit well with my mother over Thanksgiving. Here’s an edited transcript:

My Mom:
Wicca is a cult. My company blocks its website.
Me:
Wicca has no central organization. There are some sects that are cult-like, but every religion has those. And companies block lots of websites that aren’t work-oriented.

Mom:
Wiccan people are spiritually empty and constantly searching.
Me:
How many Wiccans do you know besides me, Mom? (“None.”) Well, Mom…do you find me spiritually empty? (“Absolutely not!!!”)

Mom:
People won’t want you around them if you are Wiccan. They’ll push you away.
Me:
The only time I felt that someone didn’t want anything to do with me was in one po-dunk store, when I was down south visiting YOUR family, and the clerk wouldn’t wait on me and Izzy (Izzy is my friend and Coven sister). Other than that, hasn’t been a problem.

Mom:
You won’t get a job.
Me:
But I have a job. A good job. And I have worked steadily since college.

Mom:
You’ll have a hard time meeting someone.
Me:
But I have a boyfriend. A real boyfriend who works at People magazine and blogs about music who isn’t concerned by the Wicca at all. Sometimes the Wicca is the ONLY thing a dude likes about me—which presents its own problem.

Mom:
I think Wicca is the reason you didn’t get into Grad School. They didn’t want to read stories about witchery.
Me:
I didn’t submit stories about Witchcraft in my portfolio. I didn’t get into Grad School because my mainstream fiction isn’t that good. P.S.—That was a low blow.

The most difficult part of our conversation came when I asked to explain the tenets of Wicca to my mother, in order to appease her concerns. She did not want to know anything about it, and said so. I declared our conversation complete at that point and went to cry in the shower for an hour.

At moments like these, we can pour our pain into our journals. We can call our Elders and ask their advice. We can vent over IM to our friends and Circle members—but no one can make our loved ones accept our path. This is when we turn to our Gods.

“Brid,” I said aloud in the bathroom. “You found me and brought me to this path. When You have a moment, please send me some tools to deal with it.”

Sometimes Brid audibly replies. Sometimes I hear Her laugh. Usually I simply feel a warm embrace of peace, which is what I felt at that moment. I let it go.

I’m lucky. Some people get turned out of their families for being gay. Some women get buried up to their necks and stones are thrown at their heads for the crime of being raped, before a crowd of thousands. My mom doesn’t like my religion. It’s not a big deal in the grand scheme. Plus, she still loves me.

Because I won’t get disowned, dis-employed or dismembered for coming out, it is my responsibility to do so, in hopes that other Witches who have more pressing challenges in being open might someday find more acceptance.

Why should we come out?

A few years ago, I was at a Trance Prophecy workshop lead by Janet Farrar and Gavin Bone. During the Trance, one woman allowed The Morrigan to possess her and spoke through her. One of the first thing She said was, “How lucky you all are to live in a time when there are laws to protect you! Why must you all keep hiding? There is no wonder why people think you do bad things when you hide your activities?”

I’ve strived to live openly ever since. I am a Wiccan—but I also work 40 hours a week, pay taxes, dress well, shower daily, work for change in my community and have (mostly) healthy relationships. I am friendly and open and do not need to “hide” what it is I do or believe in. I have a Goddess named Brid and a God named Pan, and I honor my ancestors daily. I acknowledge and respect a multitude of other Gods in this world, and even call on them for assistance when necessary. I do not believe that any one religion holds all the answers because there is no way any human could ever possibly understand the Gods. There is nothing weird or shady about what I have just revealed about myself.

Our Group, Novices of the Old Ways, has a policy that nothing we do within the Circle remains secret. We have no need for it to be. We worship Old Gods and honor our Ancestors. We cast spells to better the world around us. We eat too much cheese and prefer Budweiser to wine in our Chalice. But if we were to hide these actions, why wouldn’t people assume we were drinking the blood of virgins?

We also live in New York City, where people are accepting of the new and different—if they even care enough to pay attention. We can safely wear our pentacles in public. There are other places in the world, and in this country where some people are not so lucky—who might, as my mother feared, struggle with getting a job or even face verbal and/or physical violence for being open. But maybe if we, who can safely do so, show the world that Wiccans are not creepy people who gravitate to shady lifestyles.

If you live in a place where you are safe to be openly Wiccan but yet you remain in the Broom Closet, ask yourself why the hiding is so necessary. Is it possible your hiding may be merely reinforcing stereotypes that harm other Wiccans?

How to do it?

Unfortunately, that is only an answer that you can come up with. Most people find coming out to their friends first is the easiest. In many cases (like mine…) my friends responded, “Duh. We knew you were Wiccan before you did.”

In families, siblings may be easier than parents and a good first step. But whether you sit your family down, write them a letter, or rent a place and fly a banner over their house, do it joyfully. Express your excitement for your new path. If you act scared or nervous, they will be scared and nervous about your news.

When challenged, remember these things:

Sometimes, love makes people act like assholes.

This doesn’t mean you should put up with it. But if your family reacts negatively to your new path, remember that they are scared of negative rumors about Wicca and simply want the best for you. Even if it is presented in a fucked-up way. (i.e. “THAT COURTNEY BITCH IS GOING TO CUT YOUR HEART OUT AND EAT IT BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT WITCHES DO!!!”—the mother of a Group member, who now buys me clothes and invites me over for dinner on a regular basis.)

You knew this path wasn’t easy, but you chose it because it called to you.

Right? If this whole difficult thing is news to you…well, welcome to the unmarked trail! We are a new religion. We may have many practices that could be called “The Old Ways,” but as a recognized faith, we have only really been around since the early 20^th century. All religious pioneers faced problems. At least we’re not getting burned anymore.

Ways to respond:

-Offer to sit down with your family to explain the tenets of the Craft. If you have a Group, offer to invite your High Priestess or High Priest to come and visit. Your spiritual leader should be open to your family’s concerns. If they are not, you need to find a new group.

-If your family, like mine, is not ready to hear about the Wiccan tenets, simply announce the subject closed and let them know you’re open to talk more about it when they’re ready.

-Remind them of the accomplishments in your current life and let them know they didn’t raise a fool.

-All religions, at their core, are based on peace, love and understanding. If your family is religious, find a passage from their doctrines on love and acceptance and have it ready for quoting.

-Keep your Gods in on the loop. Remind them that you’ll need some help with this.

If you MUST be a smart-ass…

(These are for your Christian relatives—my specialties are Catholics and Baptists. If you have good responses for family members of other faiths, please send them to me!!!)

- “Well, yes, the Bible says, ‘Thou Shalt Not Suffer a Witch to Live,’ but it also says that women should not pray in Church. (1 Corinthians, 14:34) Should I tell Aunt Flo to knock that shit off?”

- “Why don’t you let Jesus do the judging, okay?”

- “It’s your Hell. You burn in it.” (this one is better on a bumper sticker).

Oh, and….

Prayer for the Fed-up Witch:

Goddess Grant me the Serenity to Accept what I Cannot Change

Courage to Change the things that I can

And the Wisdom not to curse anyone for lame reasons, no matter how tempting

For Karma will fuck bastards on Its own terms.

Staying in the Broom Closet limits your spiritual development. How are we to grow if we stay close to our altars? It is in our challenges that we grow closer to our Gods. In addition, it reinforces painful stereotypes that we are due for overturning. When we hide, others will think we have reason for hiding.

You don’t have to walk around in a cone hat or Ren-Faire cape. But dust off your pentacles, wear them to the job if possible. If asked, tell people that yes, you are a Wiccan. If a co-worker or curious acquaintance asks about your weekend, tell them you and your Group had a lovely Full Moon gathering.

I think I made my point. And this entry is really friggin’ long, anyway.