How it would sound if I were a Christian.....

Would the following sound kind of...dumb?

"OOh! A cross. You know what that means, don't you? Crosses are some freaky shit!!!"

"Hey, Courtney! Haven't seen you in awhile. How's all that...what do you call it...Christian-Churchy stuff going?"

"Oh, meant to tell you. Found out my co-worker is a Christian! I suggested you be friends on Facebook."

(Upon meeting my boyfriend.) "Oh, wow! You're wearing a cross, too. Were you into that before you met Courtney, or did she suck you in?"

"So, it's Easter, right? That's kind of an important holiday, right? Are you going to nail someone to a cross? Isn't that what you guys do on your Holy holiday?"

"Hello, everyone. I'd like you to meet my friend Courtney. She's a CHRISTIAN!!! No, like a REAL one."

"I just want you to know that I don't care that you're a Christian. Even though I'm not supposed to be friends with Christians, I don't think you're a bad one."

"Are you a Good Christian? Or a Bad Christian?"

"You're not going to launch a Crusade on me, are you?"

"I just want you to know that I don't agree with anything you do and that I think you and your 'people' do dangerous, scary things. But I'm up for a new job this week, so if you wouldn't mind praying for me, that would be great."

xoxo

Goddess, Speak

(Nabbed from my friend Sylvie...)

A girl whispered "Goddess, speak to me"
And a meadowlark sang but the girl did not hear.
So the girl yelled "Goddess speak to me!"
And the thunder rolled across the sky.
But the girl did not listen. ... See More
The girl looked around and said "Goddess let me see you"
And a star shone brightly.
But the girl did not notice.
And the girl shouted "Goddess show me a miracle"
And a life was born.
But the girl did not know.
So, the girl cried out in despair.
"Touch me Goddess and let me know that you are here!"
Where upon Goddess reached down and touched the girl.
But the girl brushed the butterfly away and walked on.

(Stupid girl.)

Tweet Tweet

I think I'm going to start a Twitter account and talk about Tarot.

If I do, will you read it?

The Wedding.

Last night, I went to the wedding but fortunately, did not have to go alone! ABL and NVD came with me, but they got there after I did. The first people I ran into were a cluster of my Tarot clients! I only recognized one, and then felt really dumb when the other two introduced themselves to me. They'd been in my house for readings and everything. I couldn't remember their names. I couldn't remember what I told them, either (I never do), but I did remember what they came to see me about. They gave me updates and also said, "You were SOOOO right." It made me feel good.

Also, as it turned out, the bride's bachelorette party was filled with clients of mine.

"All everyone said was, 'ohmigod...she was sooooooo accurate'!" one of my clients said.

"I should have jumped out of a cake," I replied.

Reading Tarot is fraught with insecurity. Was I wrong? Was I mean? Did I fuck up someone's life who should have never listened to me? Do I owe refunds to everyone who has ever hired me?

It's nice to get good feedback once in awhile.

Now, I want a Jewish wedding when/if I ever get married. The canopy was so pretty.

Live readings onstage

Last night, I read Tarot ***LIVE*** onstage. I've done Tarot readings in front of an audience before, but it's normally in a class. It was scary to do a reading at an open mic, where there are lots of rancid skeptics in the audience.

I got to read for Chemda, a woman I know from the Artstar scene, who is "The Girl" of Keith and the Girl, one of my favorite podcasts.

I think I did okay! She said I did okay, anyway. But maybe she was just being nice to me.

Honestly, what's more important than doing a public reading is doing something that scares you. Try it. Every day. Okay, I don't do it every day, but I do it when I've got the chance.

Tonight, I have to go to a wedding and probably have to go alone because Jorge double-booked himself. That's okay. I've never been to a wedding alone before. That's kind of scary.

Enlightenment through Dog Shit.

I love Summer Solstice, by the way. Some of the most important revelations I've had have occurred around the Midsummer Sabbat. Usually, like love, when you're least interested in being Enlightened, the Great God Pan will appear in full form before your very sober eyes. Or you learn that your altar blew the fuck across the room on the same day your life was being turn upside down--while you were 2,000 miles away from it. Those were mine, anyway. Some of them.

This weekend, though, I celebrated my ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of getting my SUPER IMPORTANT THIRD DEGREE. Or something like that. I celebrated it by walking the labyrinth in my boyfriend's back yard.

(For the record--it is insanely awesome that I have a boyfriend with a labyrinth
in his back yard.)

B was at school and I spent the early twilight of midsummer in the labyrinth. My NYC head is constantly cluttered with all the projects I have going on, and all the ideas I want to make into form, and there's usually a soundtrack of whatever band I've been listening to too much of, plus a few voices from awkward childhood memories that never got thoroughly sanitized by therapy. Don't gasp. You surely have them too, if the pills haven't taken care of them.

I decided to walk the labyrinth with no thoughts. This was hard. I would only take a step if my mind was completely without thought. This meant I would take one step and then stand there for another several minutes while waiting for the projects-ideas-bands-awkward childhood memories to dissipate. "Oh wait...I have no thoughts--step NOW! Wait...that was a thought... shit."

I couldn't get my mind to go fully blank. That's a hard thing to do. We're born with the ability to do it, but we're also born with the ability to wrap our legs around our heads and suck our toes from the opposite sides of our mouths--but most of us adults can't do that. It takes a lot of training to get back to your natural state. The best I could do was focus on one item at a time. "Walk to weed." "Walk to wood chip." "Walk to rock"

Walking the labyrinth, it would take about a minute and a half to get to the center. It's not that big. At the rate I was walking, though, it took me almost an hour.

One thing I did not focus on while walking was, "What's my message? What am I meant to learn?" All I focused on was one weed after another, knowing I'd eventually get to the middle, but only focusing on the small steps in the meantime. I wasn't even concerned with GETTING a message, just so long as I got to my goal.

But when I got to my goal, I saw indeed the message I was supposed to receive from the labyrinth.

There was a big pile of dog shit crusting up on the little trail where I'd walked. I didn't walk through it, though! I didn't even see it. I'm sure if I had nearly walked through it, I would have seen it and avoided it. But because I was focused on "Next weed....next rock....next rock...next weed..." I did not even see the pile of shit. I passed right by it.

Okay, Gods. I got my message. If I stay focused on what I'm doing and don't allow myself to be distracted by crap, I miss the piles of shit all together.

Good to know, as I navigate the final months of my Saturn return.

P.S. What a difference a year makes. :)

Creating a Tarot Deck--Getting Started

I need to stop verbally wanking it and actually put something of substance in this blog--if I'm going to be all serious n' stuff. Until that day comes, you're going to have to hear about my road to Tarot Deck Creation....

Creative processes are frequently likened to birthing a child. Jorge and I call Tarot of the Boroughs our "Elephant Baby" being as it's been in creative utero for over two years. Almost three, in fact, if you count the span of time I spent kicking the idea around in my head.

I don't remember when I had the "Wouldn't it be great if I made a fucking Tarot deck?" thoughts began. Probably when I was doing a lot of readings for individuals and parties in New York--just before the crash came and my corporate party jobs vanished. People often like to know what specific cards mean and I would try to find contemporary correlations.

"See this guy?" I'd say, holding up the King of Coins. "This dude sitting on a throne surrounded by coins and fruit and stuff--that's your boss." I started seeing the Coin Court cards as CEOS and office workers, the Wands' Court as artists. Cup characters seemed pretty obvious--they were all of us falling in and out of love. I hadn't a clue where to start with the Swords.

I'm going to tell you one secret of the Creative Universe: It's not about you--it's about the project. Art is the vehicle for the Divine to speak through us, and It will shout out Its message to whoever can hear it. So if you have an idea for a book, a painting, an installation, a performance piece--whatever project is lurking around in your mind, I guarantee you that 700 other people out there are thinking up the same thing. The Gods will shout out what They want to see in the world, and will come by to help along anyone who is planning on getting it out there. I'd had this happen with several of my 10,000 failed attempts at writing novels and screenplays. If the Urban Tarot deck was in my consciousness, it was surely in the consciousness of others, too.

(Brace yourself for cliche....)

When I was in traveling in Ireland, where lots of good inspiration comes from (see? cliche....), I turned to a friend and asked if she felt like working on a Tarot deck with me. It seemed like it was a good time to go ahead and do it. She agreed! This was good. My friend was a very talented visual artist and I can't draw worth shit. But I had good ideas and I could run around taking pictures of the things I wanted drawn and could send them to her. She would draw the cards and I would find someone who would publish us. Hooray! We'd make a million dollars in no time.

When I returned to New York, I got started right away. Except for one problem: I didn't own a camera.

This was when I wrangled Jorge on board. We'd been friends in the Artstar scene of New York for awhile, and he'd attended a few rituals and meditations that my old Coven led. He was also interested in learning to read Tarot. Seeing as he had a camera and was quite photogenic, I asked if he'd be willing to lend me a point and shoot, and if he wanted to pose for me as "The Fool," which we later re-named, "The Seeker."

Jorge did not own a dinky point and shoot camera, but a super-nice camera with a strap and a big lens. Although he would have been nice enough to lend me the camera, I know my clumsy limits. Plus, he was curious about the project and offered to take all of the pictures.

Check out this G-Crack exchange! This is where it ALLLLLLL began, folks.....

4:09 PM George: hey. no I am actually non busy actually

me: Cool!
I was wondering two things....
one, if you had a digital camera I could borrow (not one of your really nice ones, something simple) and two, would you be willing to pose in a photo for me?
Clothed. I won't make you get nude with the weather this cold. :)

4:13 PM George: lol, Well I actually only have one camera. I could maybe take the pictures for you. Oh and sure I pose for you.

me: Cool!!!! I couldn't pay you, though....I'll buy you beer!

4:14 PM George: Sure I'll do it for some beer.

me: My friend and I are working on designing a tarot deck. She is drawing the cards from photos of real people. I would love for you to be The Fool (that's a good thing--not a bad thing.) The Fool is the first card in the tarot. He's young and optimistic and starting a journey. He's only called The Fool because he has yet to attain knowledge--not because he's foolish or a dumbass. You look young and have a natural optimism that shines through. I would love to photograph you in a train station with a large backpack--as though you were coming to NY for the first time.

4:18 PM George: alright, well that sounds like me, I still have a lot to learn. I have a plain black backpack about medium sized. Train station, maybe one of the above ground stations? Or were you thinking of a more Grand Central cross roads.

me: Grand Central, yes
Some photos of you in the center of the terminal, and some getting off a train.
To see which one works better.

4:20 PM George: alright thats sounds like a good idea. For the getting off the train perhaps above ground station, more light is what I am thinking. Oh and let me know about any other photos you need taken for the rest of the project. At the moment still waiting to see if I get rehired, not sure if the people in my department will still be there.

4:23 PM me: Wow..you are AWESOME...

4:24 PM There are 78 cards in total, but we're only concentrating on 4-5 at the moment. We already have photos for two, so we'll need to work on pulling a couple more before the New Year.

4:25 PM What are your plans for Sunday?

4:26 PM George: Sunday is open for me all day. Alright, sounds like you guys are working on a cool project.


There were many days when Jorge deeply regretted this decision.