Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Enlightenment through Dog Shit.

I love Summer Solstice, by the way. Some of the most important revelations I've had have occurred around the Midsummer Sabbat. Usually, like love, when you're least interested in being Enlightened, the Great God Pan will appear in full form before your very sober eyes. Or you learn that your altar blew the fuck across the room on the same day your life was being turn upside down--while you were 2,000 miles away from it. Those were mine, anyway. Some of them.

This weekend, though, I celebrated my ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of getting my SUPER IMPORTANT THIRD DEGREE. Or something like that. I celebrated it by walking the labyrinth in my boyfriend's back yard.

(For the record--it is insanely awesome that I have a boyfriend with a labyrinth
in his back yard.)

B was at school and I spent the early twilight of midsummer in the labyrinth. My NYC head is constantly cluttered with all the projects I have going on, and all the ideas I want to make into form, and there's usually a soundtrack of whatever band I've been listening to too much of, plus a few voices from awkward childhood memories that never got thoroughly sanitized by therapy. Don't gasp. You surely have them too, if the pills haven't taken care of them.

I decided to walk the labyrinth with no thoughts. This was hard. I would only take a step if my mind was completely without thought. This meant I would take one step and then stand there for another several minutes while waiting for the projects-ideas-bands-awkward childhood memories to dissipate. "Oh wait...I have no thoughts--step NOW! Wait...that was a thought... shit."

I couldn't get my mind to go fully blank. That's a hard thing to do. We're born with the ability to do it, but we're also born with the ability to wrap our legs around our heads and suck our toes from the opposite sides of our mouths--but most of us adults can't do that. It takes a lot of training to get back to your natural state. The best I could do was focus on one item at a time. "Walk to weed." "Walk to wood chip." "Walk to rock"

Walking the labyrinth, it would take about a minute and a half to get to the center. It's not that big. At the rate I was walking, though, it took me almost an hour.

One thing I did not focus on while walking was, "What's my message? What am I meant to learn?" All I focused on was one weed after another, knowing I'd eventually get to the middle, but only focusing on the small steps in the meantime. I wasn't even concerned with GETTING a message, just so long as I got to my goal.

But when I got to my goal, I saw indeed the message I was supposed to receive from the labyrinth.

There was a big pile of dog shit crusting up on the little trail where I'd walked. I didn't walk through it, though! I didn't even see it. I'm sure if I had nearly walked through it, I would have seen it and avoided it. But because I was focused on "Next weed..." I did not even see the pile of shit. I passed right by it.

Okay, Gods. I got my message. If I stay focused on what I'm doing and don't allow myself to be distracted by crap, I miss the piles of shit all together.

Good to know, as I navigate the final months of my Saturn return.

P.S. What a difference a year makes. :)

1 comment:

Hilary said...

You said it took you an hour to get to the center of the labyrinth? It probably would take me two years! I have the mental meditation capacity of a deranged chipmunk!