A few weeks ago I went to Delaware to see my friends and to attend a workshop. At the Trance Prophecy Ritual that evening, a seasoned Priest brought through Odin. I've attended numerous Trance Prophecy Rituals and met a lot of different Gods, but this was the first time I approached a God and was crouched on the floor trembling like Dorothy before Oz. Except, there was no old dude behind the curtain. The old dude was the Old Dude right before my eyes and He had a mess of things to say to me. First of all, "You, Priestess, cannot be all things to all people."
(Funny. My therapist echoed the same sentiment this morning when I was ranting about some twig.)
So funny. Even though I know it's true, it doesn't stop me from trying to be perfect. All. The. Time.
Saturday, I lead the first open ritual at the new Pagan Center of New York. We had a spectacular time! The corners were called, the intention was set. The Holly and Oak Kings were chosen and duked it out. When the Oak King was the (surprise surprise) victor....He declared, "Gods bless Witches everywhere!" and we all went wild and the previously orderly ritual burst into an ecstatic Pagan dance party. It went on for hours. I received a lot of positive feedback. People had a great time and truly seemed to get something out of it. It was a blessed event and I hope we have more of them.
Sunday, I overdid it, I think. I read Tarot for four clients--one of whom purchased a full hour. The first three really liked their readings, even though they weren't all glowing news. The third even gave me a large tip. But the fourth person left me sad and dejected.
She said she was unhappy. I saw in her reading that she works too damn much. She said it was true. I pulled out a few things she could expect to experience in the coming weeks and months and a few other things she could do about her depression.
"Tell me about my personal life," she said. "Tell me what's going to happen."
I flipped some more cards and saw the same thing. Depression. Stagnation. Her job sucks. Find a new one or continue to be unhappy.
She looked cross. "Are all your readings like this?"
"Like what?" I asked.
She waved her hands over the cards. "Like this. You're repeating yourself. This isn't what I want to know. I want to know what things will happen."
"I'm afraid this is the message I have for you," I said.
"This isn't what I wanted," she said. "I want to know things. Not what I already know." She offered to pay me for fifteen minutes, but I waived it all together.
I saged the house after she left. I felt very sad. I had told her what would happen, so I thought. No, it wasn't the 7th Avenue psychic reading: "You will meet a tall man with a flowing mane...." although I do give those periodically. But that wasn't the message for her. Maybe I was tired. Maybe I took on too much psychically in one weekend. I should have thought about that before making that poor woman traipse way uptown to my house and then not give her a good reading. Then again, it wasn't that my reading was inaccurate. It just didn't cover what she wanted to hear. (Sigh.)
The woman came to my house looking for something that I was unable to provide. That's all. But even in the afterglow of having helped a lot of people, the last one I came into contact with left unsatisfied. That, unfortunately, is the one that sticks with me, even though I try to focus on all of the others.
I will reflect on the advice of Odin (and my therapist). I did what I could for the people I met over the weekend. One walked away dejected, but there is only so much responsibility I can take for it. As I told one young man at the PCNY Yule who asked about becoming a telephone psychic, when one is a minister, they must treat the practice like a pharmacist treats their own practice. The pharmacist can only put the correct pills and instructions on the counter for the patient. It's up to the patient to not only take them, but take them correctly. They can't shove the pills in their mouths nor follow them home to ensure they take them correctly. But as a minister, it's really hard to let that go.
Now, to add to the list of shit I've been called in the last week: Tyrannical, judgmental, oppressive, hypocritical. This was from someone outside my Coven, I may add. I wish this person had been a fly on the wall when I was scolded by a mentor a day later for being "too polite, democratic to a fault, too open, and needing to grab a tighter hold on the reigns."
See? Can't please them all.
Tune in next week for, "Still haven't learned that one...."