Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Years Day

I read Tarot for a mess of people last night. It was hard. The first party had a blaring speaker in my ear and a bunch of drunks running up to me at any one time. One guy even grabbed my cards and read for his friend, himself. That was fine with me. If that's the best way for the dude to get the message, makes my job a hell of a lot easier!

Actually, that was my favorite reading of the night.

Me: Okay, let's take a look here...(reading the cards)

Guy: I'm going to die?

Me: Someday, yes. Doesn't look like it'll be today--unless you keep staring down my shirt. My boyfriend is over there.

Guy: I wasn't staring down your shirt.

Me: Yes, and you're dangerously close to sticking your tongue down my throat. I don't need cards to see that you've got serious problems with women.

Guy: Damn. You're spicy.

Me: Do you want a reading or not?

(Guy's friend grabs cards, shuffles and deals)

Guy's friend: If you don't mind...dude. You're fucked. These cards say your fucked.

Guy: Shut up, man. You don't know shit. Let the lady do her job.

Me: No, actually, he's right. The cards do say you're fucked.

Guy: Do they say I suck with women? That I'm an asshole and bastard? That I'll never meet anyone?

Me: You're staring at my tits again and my boyfriend is just over there. Quit it, sit back in your chair or I'll break your nose.

Guy's friend: You have to listen to the reader, man.

Guy: I'm fucked, aren't I?

Me: Move away from my face, please.

They tipped me forty bucks.

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