Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Love Spells

It’s easy to find a recipe for a Lovespell. Your local New Age book store has a whole shelf of them and more in the closet. Love spells are the primary reason people like me continue to stay in business—because they’re the second most popular thing people go to witches for, after Tarot readings to find out just how bad their love situation actually is, before coughing up more money to pay for a love reading.

The thing that most people don’t tell you about love spells is this: They actually work, so don’t fuck around.

The Universe loves giving love, but you have to treat what you ask the Universe for as if you were dealing with a McDonald’s clerk who not only doesn’t speak English—but is officially deaf as well and reads lips only marginally (no offense to the Gods above or around us). The best way to do a love spell is to simply ask the Universe for what you want. Whether that be in the form of prayer, meditation, or simply saying it aloud while you’re sitting in the bathtub or on the toilet. The Universe has big ears.

But be careful what you ask for. You will certainly get it.

My first love spell was more of a sex spell. I was 21 and for some reason, not getting laid. I asked the Universe for sexual love—but that it would come in a form safe, sane and consensual. I placed this intention on a candle by rubbing oil on the candle and drawing my wish to me.

I forgot to mention that the sexual love would come from people I was remotely attracted to.

The next day, I was sitting at a bar with six married women who all at once announced they were secretly bisexual and all at once decided they wanted a piece of me. That weekend, I ended up crashing in the basement of my friends’ house with a coke-head who kept me away all night by gnawing on my neck but couldn’t get it up to do the job right. I wasn’t into women—at the time—and wasn’t into coke-heads, ever. I got what I asked for, but it wasn’t what I wanted.

About two years ago, I went into a deep meditation and asked my Goddess, Brid, for a man containing the following qualities: Spiritual, kind, intelligent, hardworking, hilarious, between the ages of 25 and 35, fluent English speaker, living in one of the five boroughs, great in bed who wanted marriage someday, but who wanted a relationship—right then. I didn’t understand why I saw my Goddess laughing as she stirred my wishes in Her cauldron.

About a week later, I met the man. He embodied all of the things I asked for—including being 30, smack dab in the middle of the age bracket I requested. We never stopped laughing and the sex was fantastic. He was also a Witch and said he wanted someday to marry. Thrilled to have found everything I was looking for, I fell hard for the guy. As a result, I learned a valuable lesson in romantic spell-craft. What you don’t ask for is every bit as important as what you do. He did indeed want a relationship, one of the more important things on my list. Oh, yes. He did want one. But I forgot to specify that he would want a relationship with me. For as he did want a relationship, he wanted that relationship with someone else. In fact, he already had that relationship going with someone else, and was perfectly happy in it, as I learned a year and half into our affair. For in my mega-check list to the Goddess, I forgot to ask for honesty.

I did another love spell when I finally healed from that one—keeping it very simple. I just wanted to meet a nice guy who would wear a top hat and a coat with tails when we went out. Shortly thereafter, I met that very guy. Nice as he could be and not only wore top hats and tailed-coats—he made them. Needless to say that since I neglected to ask for personal connection, shared spiritual beliefs and sexual compatibility, that relationship lasted about 22 hours.

Don’t be scared off by my past with love spells. This is only to prove a point that they do indeed work. But they are tricky.

The method of your love-spell casting is not as important as what you are asking for with that spell.

Write down a list of every quality you want to see in a mate. Every single one of them, even if you think they’re too far-fetched. Maybe in a village in Alaska you’d have troubles meeting the person who likes to spend seven weeks out of the year on a yacht, but in New York, that person probably lives upstairs from you. I know of a woman who carried this very list around in her pocket for weeks before posting it in an ad on Craig’s List. She did indeed meet that very guy and now they’re moving in together. Refine your list and revise it many times over before making the formal ask to the Universe.

When you’re ready to do it, I recommend the following techniques:

Carve your wants on a candle. Either use a big candle or use a toothpick to carve. Burn the whole thing at once—put it in your shower or bathtub if you need to leave the house. Don’t leave candles burning unattended anywhere else.

Create an oil—use pine, basil or earthy scents to attract women. Use rose or lavender to attract men. Using a jojoba base or almond base (because they smell good!) put a drop of one, or a combination of, these essential oils into the base—concentrating on each drop being the quality you would like to have in a mate. Wear this oil on your pulse lines as often as possible.

Write down your list and carry it in your pocket, like my friend did.

Pray or meditate and ask for what you want. Good Gods to talk to about this include Isis, Freya, Aphrodite, Chango, Oschun, Lada, Quan Yin and Brigid. Be sure to research proper offerings.
Hard boil an egg and with a non-toxic paint or marker, write or draw the things you want your mate to bring. Bury it beneath a tree or plant it in your garden. The egg is now a seed to grow the change you’d like to bring into your life.

Things to avoid when performing Love Spells:

--Asking for a list of “nots”. Better to stick with what you do want instead of saying, “I don’t want them to have abc…” Mention what they should have.
--Asking for a specific person to fall in love with you. That’s just manipulative. If you’re in love with someone, you can do a spell encouraging love that already exists to grow—but don’t harness the emotions or wrangle a heart that is not yours to begin with.
--Don’t break up couples. That’s mean.
--Avoid using black candles. Unless you’re very experienced (and if you’re listening to me, chances are you’re not…). They tend to absorb everything and often absorb more bad qualities than good.

Be prepared that you’re probably going to have to do your love spell more than once! Perhaps several times!!! Enjoy the ride and have a good laugh.

So mote it be.

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