Sunday, February 15, 2009

Thoughts on St. Ignatius and the passing of my friend, Sally.

A nut. A masochist. Of course, he ended up detailing an excellent number of exercises which are meant to be life changing and I look forward to trying them. But he seemed to have subjected himself to a bunch of things that are rather unnecessary. I don’t have a lot of patience with people who continue to throw away the things that God hands to them. I see the point in throwing away riches in order to better know the power of the Universe, as the possessions, to quote “FightClub”, the things you own, end up owning you. Great. So throw away and know the Universe will provide. But then to throw them away again when you’ve got them? Mooching off everyone else’s hard earned resources? I imagine that that would annoy God, but maybe it’s all about that my Mom hated it when I would give away my things to other kids. Or spend my money on other people. “But Mom, that’s what JESUS would have done!!!” Then again, it wasn’t my money to spend and give to others, but hers. And it’s not like the kids down the street were starving when I gave them half a box of Honeycomb cereal. I felt bad for them because their Mom never let them have sweets, so I shared with them. Mom wasn’t mad about that, but because I gave away the cereal she bought. So, if we’re in need, and the Universe provides—is it foolish to throw it away and just expect that the Universe will provide again?

What’s funny though, is when I’m generous with my money and possessions, I end up with more money and possessions—that I inevitably end up giving away. I read Tarot for money and while much of this money goes to project that end up affecting my spiritual Group or supporting projects the Gods have assigned me to, I make sure to give a piece to charity, and make sure I give away a reading once in awhile.

Once, I gave away a striped scarf my mother gave me to a woman whose birthday it was. I didn’t know the woman hardly at all, but the scarf looked so much better on her with her outfit than it did on mine. I felt bad at first, but it wasn’t a scarf Mom had spent a lot of money on. Mom and I butt heads about the use of possessions.

I don’t know. I really hate Trustifarians and St. Ignatius of Loyola reminded me of one of those—given the riches of the world and turning them away to go on a journey. But yet, his was one to find the power of God and share it with other people. Not just to heap it on himself. And who am I to criticize the path the Universe has laid out for another person.

I was in the middle of writing this when I learned that a friend of mine passed away. It’s very hard to criticize a saint who lived long ago when a saint who you’ve known so well has just passed out of physical existence.

Maybe bitching about St. Ignatius and butting ideological heads with my mother isn’t the best use of my time.

I look forward to sharing my stories about Sally. But I think for now, I’m going to make it a quiet night, and go about my business. Last night I met a man who didn’t speak for a day as a way to learn to listen. I will not be speaking for the rest of the night as a way to honor the person I loved, whose voice will not be heard again.

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